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IT – How Pennywise Would’ve Done It

Screaming like a little girl

Screaming like a little girl

Warning: some material may not be suitable for unqualified IT professionals. Some IT pros may be easily scared by the following scenario. Viewer discretion is advised.

Sometimes you walk into a new client’s site, and are amazed by what you see! I have walked into sites where everything is like a bright, sunny day; but I have also walked into some and it was like walking into a horror movie. Unfortunately, I see more bloodcurdling IT infrastructure than I’d like to. Here’s a classic that Hitchcock could have used:

Before we get into the scary details, this client is an awesome company and they are doing great work in the community; and I am very humbled and honored to be a part of their team. The first time I walked in was because the “server” wouldn’t work. (This situation was the basis of my Microsoft Technet blog post, “My IT Guy was Hit By a Bus“). Needless to say, their IT guy went missing. Locals say he was last seen walking into the fog.

What I saw scared me. I wasn’t just a little worried, I was terrified of their setup; and if I were religious, I would have said a prayer.

Their “server”, which was hosting the shared files for the 10 employees, was a homemade box (nothing wrong with this) with a mysterious copy of Windows Server 2003 installed, but not configured for server use. What made me panic like a little girl watching The Shining (with the lights off), was that all their data was stored on a portable USB drive, with a Post-It note, just barely hanging on (much like a severed limb), reading, “Do not ever remove”. Yes, you read that right! All the data was on a USB drive. Talk about a cold sweat. To ensure that nothing would happen to their data, I hunted for a backup. Go ahead, guess what I found. If you guessed “no backup,” you would be correct. This went from The Shining scary to The Exorcist scary.

By following the steps below, you are guaranteed to have a haunted server, and risk data death; and you’ll be playing the lead role in your own horror movie.

1. Server-rated hardware is overrated, just grab the first desktop you can get your bloody hands on.

2. We can always revive your hardware with electrocution, don’t bother with backup strategies.

3. Mirrored drives (and RAID) are only good for funhouses. Make sure to exclude them from your server.

4. Proper licensing is scary (it really is). Avoid it entirely! You don’t need that in your life.

5. Only hire the undead, and unqualified, IT professionals.

For the client in this situation, we immediately ordered new server hardware with a proper and current server operating system. Until the new system was in place, I manually backed up their data weekly to ensure that if the USB drive was ever possessed, we had a backup of their data.

Both the client and I sleep better at night knowing that they now have the proper safeguards in place. Your IT infrastructure should never look like it was put together by Hannibal Lecter. If opening the server closet is scarier than being slashed through a shower curtain, please have your qualified IT professional come in and rescue you from the horror of it all!

Can you find all the scary references? And which movie scares you the most?

PS: I love scary movies, but seriously, your technical infrastructure should not be a scene out of one.

  1. 06/07/2013 at 7:07 pm

    Very well done.

  1. 07/03/2013 at 9:42 pm

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